Savior and Lord

Jesus is suppose to be my Savior and Lord. Savior in the sense that He saves me from my sinful choices that I have willingly made. Lord in the sense that He should be in control of my life. That is basic Christianity, and a point in which I don't think there can be a whole lot of objection to. However, here is my problem. I really like Jesus as my Savior, but I am not always so fond of making Him my Lord. I like the idea of eternal life and not going to hell. I don't always like the idea of my life not being controlled by me. I like the idea of forgiveness and mercy. I struggle with the idea of obedience at all cost. The sad part of this all, is I like to proclaim that Jesus in my Savior and Lord, but often I live a life of deception. I am not always willing to submit control to Christ's lordship of my life. Where does this leave me with God? Can a person truly be saved if they have not given over control to God? How much push-back does Jesus allow on the "Lord issue" while still being willing to acknowledge us before God? Is my whole relationship with God a facade because I struggle with this concept? I truly love Jesus, but for whatever reason my selfishness and control issues get in the way of allowing Him to call the shots for my life. Or I give him the easy calls to make, while keeping others to myself. Perhaps the reason for the desert in my life is to test my heart. To truly see if I will take His path and His choice over my own. What are God's feelings towards me when I struggle with this? Pity? Anger? Frustration? Sorrow? I am jealous of the disciples who though they struggled with their faith, seemingly gave up everything to follow Jesus. I, on the other hand, struggle not only with my faith but my willingness to follow. What am I clinging to that I need to let go? What areas of my life have I refused to give control over to God? Is my dream of happiness in the way of the path of obedience? Can I have dreams, desires, and wants or by having them am I disobedient? I know I need to accept God’s sacrifice on the Cross for the redemption of my life. What happens though if at the end of my life when I face God, He declares I never truly took Him as Lord? Will I face eternal separation from God because I struggled so much with this concept? Is part of “selling everything I have to follow Christ” include my wants & desires? Are the preferences inside of me from Christ, or has my fallen nature twisted me in such a way that I don’t see the desert for the oasis that it is? How do I know if I am truly following God? Do I need to be experiencing certain dissatifactions with life to know that I have accepted Jesus as Lord? If so, what are those dissastifactions? Is it possible to truly know exactly what God’s will is in every situation? If Jesus is Lord it seems like every decision must come from Him. How do I get to that position where “every move I make” I make in-line with what God is commanding of me? This is my struggle.